Terry Crews has made waves with the “Dirty Little Secret” video series detailing his struggles with pornography. You can watch the whole series on Terry Crews’ official YouTube channel or by clicking here. These videos are valuable resources for those who struggle with pornography and their loved ones. While younger children may lose interest in the confessional format of Crews’ videos, Crews uses several emotional and relationship principles that parents can use to “porn-proof” their kids. When kids understand these principles, they will be less vulnerable to pornography and other toxic coping mechanisms and more prepared to form healthy relationships of all kinds.
Due to the vast number of principles, this will be a multi-part series titled “Porn-Proofing Your Kids”
1) Objectification of others
When Terry Crews described his descent into a pornography addiction, he pointed out that his view of other people changed. He began to think of others in terms of what they owed him, instead of what he owed them. We tend to think of objectification in sexual terms in our society, and our media does sexually objectify men and women. However, at the heart, objectification is seeing a person as a commodity instead of an individual with rights, worth, and emotion.
Parents can teach a child to truly see others as human beings from a very young age. Point out other people’s emotions, and relate those emotions to the feelings and desires of the child. Explain that everyone has needs and emotions, and the beginnings of empathy form in your child’s psyche. When we teach children to see others as human, by the time they reach teen and tweenhood, the humanity of pornographic actors and models will be impossible to ignore. Pornography will be intellectually and emotionally repugnant because of the obvious degradation and abuse depicted.
2) Appropriate evaluation of self and others
This concept goes hand in hand with avoiding objectification. In the “Dirty Little Secret” series, Terry confessed that, upon self-reflection, he realized that he thought he was more important than other people, and that helped him rationalize exploiting others to do as he pleased. Clearly, then, one of the keys to avoiding a state of mind vulnerable to pornography is to have an appropriate view of oneself and others.
A fulfilling life is a balancing act between one’s own needs and desires and the needs and desires of others. It’s a hard lesson to learn for yourself, and even harder to teach to others. The first step, though, is teaching children to recognize their own needs, and how to differentiate between their needs and their wants. If you don’t care for yourself, you can’t care for others for very. On the other hand, neglecting another person’s needs to meet your wants does not make for a healthy relationship.
3) Avoiding entitlement
We hear a lot about the evils of entitlement these days, but we rarely link entitlement to pornography. Terry Crews did, though. He told his viewers that he believed he was entitled to a certain kind of relationship with his wife, and this attitude helped him rationalize his pornography use.
Gratitude is a powerful antidote to entitlement. As we teach our children (and remember ourselves!) to be truly and humbly grateful for what others do for us, we won’t feel like the world or the people in it owe us anything. We will take responsibility for our own wants and needs and appreciate anything that others do to help us along the way.
We will keep discussing principles from Terry Crews’ videos, but don’t forget to watch the videos themselves! We applaud the Crews family for standing up and speaking out against pornography. Stay tuned for part 2 coming soon!
Block all online pornography from your home!