Sharing a personal struggle may not be right for every person and every situation, but we certainly appreciate Terry and Rebecca Crews’ openness and his thoughts on coping with pornography through values and personal growth. Thank you, Terry and Rebecca!
For any readers who haven’t been following the blog over the past couple week, this is the fifth and final part of our series, “Porn-Proofing Your Kids With Terry Crews.” Throughout the series, we have discussed principles Terry and Rebecca Crews shared in their “Dirty Little Secret” videos detailing their personal and marital struggles with Terry’s pornography addiction. These videos are a fantastic resource for anyone dealing with pornography, dealing with a loved one dealing with pornography, or just wanting to educate themselves about pornography. In our blog series, though, we have focused on how the principles Terry and Rebecca discussed can help your kids turn away from pornography. In a very real sense, these principles can porn-proof your kids.
Here, in our last post of the series, are more lessons you can teach your kids to protect them from pornography and addiction.
1) Everyone deserves respect
Using pornography is an act of disrespect to oneself and one’s current or future romantic partner. Pornography takes one of the most fundamental yearnings of the human spirit, to know and be known, and corrodes the user’s ability to have that desire fulfilled. When a user turns to porn for intimacy instead of a real person, the chemicals in the brain begin to bond to the pornographic content. The brain is being retaught that intimacy comes from a screen, not a human. Of course, a screen cannot know or be known, but by the time the porn user figures that out, bonding to a human goes against his or her “programming”. Certainly there can be no greater disrespect than to deny oneself and one’s romantic partner a basic human need; in this case, a healthy intimate relationship.
2) Don’t expect immediate forgiveness
Real forgiveness takes time. When you have been wronged, you have to work through some of the immediate emotional damage before truly letting go of hard feelings against the person who hurt you. A person in denial, for example, is not in the proper place to forgive– the damage hasn’t even been realized yet! On the other side, if you have wronged someone, demanding immediate forgiveness cheapens your apology and places the burden of fixing the relationship (which should rightfully be yours) on the person you have wronged.
If your children are ever, even briefly, been involved with pornography, their loved ones may not be able to forgive them right away. That is healthy and normal, and even a sign that the relationship will someday heal! After all, feeling hurt by another’s actions can be a sign of great emotional investment in that relationship. Teach your children that forgiveness can take time, and they will grow up with the patience necessary to allow their relationships to heal from their mistakes.
3) YOU have to change
Terry Crews’ journey really began when he realized that he was the one who had to change. He could seek advice and support, he could even blame others for his predicament, but if he wanted to break his pornography addiction, HE had to change. Rebecca Crews, after learning the truth about Terry’s addiction, realized that there were also some things SHE needed to change to heal and strengthen herself and their marriage.
Teach your children that if they want something to be different, THEY are the ones who need to change. Waiting around for circumstances or other people to change leads to frustration and disappointment; very likely, nothing will happen. Seeking support from friends, family, and therapists is helpful and wise, but the work required to change belongs to the individual who is changing. Own your ability to change, and you will own your successes and your failures– in short, your life!
Thank you for following our series “Porn-Proofing With Terry Crews”! If you missed parts one through four, you can read them here, here, here, and here. If you haven’t yet watched the original “Dirty Little Secret” videos, you can watch them here.
What principles do you teach your kids to protect them from pornography? Comment below!